Comedic Monologues For Girls



Comedic Monologues for Girls

The proper monologue could make or break your audition. In case you’re getting into to audition for a comedy position, it’s essential that you just select a monologue that can intensify your expertise for comedy.


Deciding on a monologue isn’t straightforward, however it’s typical for performers to search out that one monologue resonates with them over one other. Spend a while earlier than your audition studying via monologues, training those you’ve narrowed down, and selecting one which works at each your expertise and luxury degree.

The Greatest Comedic Monologues for Girls

In case you can’t appear to search out the right monologue, we’ve put collectively an inventory of our favorites. Take a second to learn via and see what stands out for you!

Dotty Otley from “Noises Off” – I Can’t Open the Sardines Can


“It’s no good you happening. I can’t open sardines and reply the telephone. I’ve solely bought one pair of toes. Whats up…. Sure, however there’s nobody right here, love…. No, Mr. Brent’s not right here…He lives right here, sure, however he don’t reside right here now as a result of he lives in Spain… Mr. Philip Brent, that’s proper…. The one who writes the performs, that’s him, solely now he writes them in Spain… No, she’s in Spain, too, they’re all in Spain, there’s nobody right here… Am I in Spain? No, I’m not in Spain, pricey. I take care of the home for him, however I’m going residence at one o’clock on Wednesday, solely I’ve bought a pleasant plate of sardines to place my toes up with, as a result of it’s the royal what’s-it’s known as on the telly — the royal you understand — the place’s the paper, then? And if it’s to do with letting the home then you definitely’ll must ring the house-agents, as a result of they’re the brokers for the home…. Squire Squire, Hackham and who’s the opposite one…? No, they’re not in Spain, they’re subsequent to the telephone within the examine. Squire, Squire, Hackham, and maintain on, I’ll go and look. At all times the identical, isn’t it. Quickly as you are taking the load off your toes, down all of it comes in your head.”


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Mrs. Armstrong from “The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever” – Give Everybody a Probability


“[Let me]inform you once more, Grace, how essential it’s to present everybody an opportunity. Right here’s what I do — I all the time begin with Mary and inform them we should select our Mary fastidiously as a result of Mary was the mom of Jesus… Sure, after which I inform them about Joseph, that he was God’s option to be Jesus’ father. That’s how I clarify that. Frankly, I don’t ever spend a lot time on Joseph as a result of it’s all the time Elmer Hopkins, and he is aware of all about Mary and Joseph, however I do clarify in regards to the Sensible Males and the shepherds and the way essential they’re. And I inform them, there aren’t any small components, solely small actors. Remind the angel choir to not stare on the viewers, and don’t allow them to put on earrings and issues like that. And don’t allow them to put on clunky footwear or excessive heels. I simply hope you don’t have too many child angels, Grace, as a result of they’ll be your largest drawback. You’ll must get somebody to push the child angels on, in any other case they get in one another’s approach and bend their wings. Bob might try this, and he might keep watch over the shepherds too. Oh, one other factor in regards to the angel choir. Don’t allow them to put on lipstick. They assume as a result of it’s a play that they must put on lipstick, and it appears to be like horrible. So inform them…. And, Grace, don’t use simply anyone’s child for Jesus… get a quiet one. Higher but, get two if you happen to can… then if one seems to be fussy, you possibly can all the time swap them.”


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Girl Mary from “The Admirable Crichton” – A Herd Close to Penguins Creek


“I sighted a herd close to Penguin’s Creek, however needed to creep spherical Silver Lake to get to windward of them. Nevertheless, they noticed me after which the enjoyable started. There was nothing for it however to try to run them down, so I singled out a fats buck and away we went down the shore of the lake, up the valley of rolling stones; he doubled into Brawling River and took to the water, however I swam after him; the river is simply half a mile broad there, however it runs robust. He went spinning down the rapids, down I went in pursuit; he clambered ashore, I clambered ashore; away we tore helter-skelter up the hill and down once more. I misplaced him within the marshes, bought on his observe once more close to Bread Fruit Wooden, and introduced him down with an arrow in Firefly Grove.”


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Sally Brown from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – I Acquired a C


“A ‘C’? A ‘C’? I bought a ‘C’ on my coathanger sculpture? How might anybody get a ‘C’ in coathanger sculpture? Might I ask a query? Was I judged on the piece of sculpture itself? If that’s the case, is it not true that point alone can choose a murals? Or was I judged on my expertise? If that’s the case, is it truthful that I be judged on part of my life over which I’ve no management? If I used to be judged on my effort, then I used to be judged unfairly, for I attempted as exhausting as I might! Was I judged on what I had realized about this mission? If that’s the case, then weren’t you, my trainer, additionally being judged in your means to transmit your information to me? Are you prepared to share my ‘C’? Maybe I used to be being judged on the standard of coathanger itself out of which my creation was made…now’s this not additionally unfair? Am I to be judged by the standard of coat hangers which might be utilized by the drycleaning institution that returns our clothes? Is that not the duty of my dad and mom? Ought to they not share my ‘C’?”


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Lucy from “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” – What I Intend


“Are you aware what I intend? I intend to be a queen. Once I develop up I’m going to be the largest queen there ever was, and I’ll reside in a giant palace and once I exit in my coach, all of the individuals will wave and I’ll shout at them, and…and…within the summertime I’ll go to my summer season palace and I’ll put on my crown in swimming and every little thing, and all of the individuals will cheer and I’ll shout at them… What do you imply I can’t be queen? No one needs to be saved from being a queen if she needs to be one. It’s normally only a matter of understanding the best individuals.. ..effectively…. if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be very wealthy then I’ll purchase myself a queendom. Sure, I’ll purchase myself a queendom after which I’ll kick out the outdated queen and take over the entire operation myself. I will likely be head queen.”


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Elaine Robinson from “The Graduate” – Nothing’s Excellent


“Effectively nothing’s good Benjamin. I want my mom didn’t drink a lot. I want I’d by no means fallen out of that tree and damaged my thumb as a result of it so impacts my fingering I’ll most likely by no means play the violin in addition to I’d like to however that’s about it for the bullshit, Benjamin. It’s solely bullshit if you happen to let it pile up. Heaven’s within the particulars. Somebody stated that. I feel Robert Frost stated that. I used to be on this diner with my roommate Diane? And this man got here together with a goat on a rope and it seems the explanation he’s bought just a little goat on a rope is that he was thrown out the day earlier than for bringing in his canine? However the level is that Diane had stood as much as go away when she noticed the person stroll in and he or she sat straight down once more and stated, effectively if there’s a goat I feel I’ll have dessert. And that’s why I really like Diane, as a result of if you happen to assume like that you just not solely discover extra little goats, you get extra dessert.”


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Janet from “The West Wing” – Pigeons


“I’m sorry, however a great HALF of america hates pigeons. One third shoots them for sport. I’m not the one dangerous man right here. You’ll have voted for an elephant if it had instructed you it might repair the financial system. Which, by the way in which, remains to be not fastened. An enormous goose egg. […] I’m sorry if I’m offending you, however I discover it greater than just a little offensive that I simply walked my daughter previous a portrait of a pigeon within the Nationwide Artwork Gallery earlier than I got here right here.”


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Helena from “A Midsummer Evening’s Dream” – Out of Breath


“O, I’m out of breath on this fond chase!

The extra my prayer, the lesser is my grace.

Pleased is Hermia, wheresoe’er she lies;

For she hath blessed and enticing eyes.

How got here her eyes so vivid? Not with salt tears:

If that’s the case, my eyes are oftener wash’d than hers.

No, no, I’m as ugly as a bear;

For beasts that meet me run away for concern:

Subsequently no marvel although Demetrius

Do, as a monster fly my presence thus.

What depraved and dissembling glass of mine

Made me evaluate with Hermia’s sphery eyne?

However who’s right here? Lysander! on the bottom!

Lifeless? or asleep? I see no blood, no wound.

Lysander if you happen to reside, good sir, awake”

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Kim from “Fairly be a Man” – I’d Fairly be a Man


“I don’t know what it’s with me recently however I simply get so UGH! when guys come as much as me, with their tacky strains, (imitating man) “Hey, you will have such a fantastic smile” or “Can I simply inform you that you’re so stunning”. Ugh! It disgusts me. I imply, who the hell does this man or that man assume he’s to present me such compliments? What offers him the best? I don’t do something to present off any form of curiosity in anyway, I fully look the opposite approach once I see eye contact occurring they usually STILL come over pondering they’re so suave and it’s merely repulsive. You already know what I’m saying??


What does a woman must do nowadays? Possibly if I simply vomited on myself the man would stroll the opposite approach however I guess even then, I’d get, “The best way you vomit on your self is simply so, so pleasant.”


…All I need is to be left alone. I’ve a person, I really like my man and I do my finest to be well mannered however the irritation and the tacky strains are attending to be an excessive amount of. Guys are blind, they are surely, OBLIVIOUS to when a woman will not be . There are days once I somewhat be a person.”


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Rosalind from “As You Like It” – And Why, I Pray You


“And why, I pray you? Who is likely to be your mom,

That you just insult, exult, and all of sudden,

Over the wretched? What although you don’t have any magnificence,–

As by my religion, I see no extra in you

Than with out candle could go darkish to mattress,–

Should you be due to this fact proud and pitiless?

Why, what means this? Why do you look on me?

I see no extra in you than within the atypical

Of nature’s sale-work. Od’s my little life!

I feel she means to tangle my eyes too.

No, religion, proud mistress, hope not after it:

‘Tis not your inky brows, your black silk hair,

Your bugle eyeballs, nor your cheek of cream,

That may entame my spirits to your worship.

You silly shepherd, wherefore do you observe her,

Like foggy south puffing with wind and rain?

You’re a thousand occasions a properer man

Than she a girl: ‘tis such fools as you

That make the world stuffed with ill-favour’d kids:

‘Tis not her glass, however you, that flatters her;

And out of you she sees herself extra correct

Than any of her lineaments can present her.

However, mistress, know your self: down in your knees,

And thank heaven, fasting, for a great man’s love:

For I need to inform you pleasant in your ear,

Promote when you possibly can; you aren’t for all markets.

Cry the person mercy; love him; take his provide:

Foul is most foul, being foul to be a scoffer.

So take her to thee, shepherd. Fare you effectively.”


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Amanda Wingfield from “The Glass Menagerie” – That Previous Trunk


“Possess your soul in persistence – you will note!

One thing I’ve resurrected from that outdated trunk! Kinds haven’t modified so terribly a lot in any case.

[She parts the portières.]

Now simply have a look at your mom !


[She wears a girlish frock of yellowed voile with a blue silk sash. She carries a bunch of jonquils – the legend of her youth is nearly revived.]


[Feverishly]: That is the gown during which I led the cotillion, received the cakewalk twice at Sundown Hill, wore one spring to the Governor’s ball in Jackson ! See how I sashayed across the ballroom, Laura?


[She raises her skirt and does a mincing step around the room.] I wore it on Sundays for my gents callers ! I had it on the day I met your father. I had malaria fever all that spring. The change of local weather from East Tennessee to the Delta – weakened resistance I had just a little temperature on a regular basis – not sufficient to be severe – simply sufficient to make me stressed and giddy. Invites poured in – events everywhere in the Delta! – ‘Keep in mattress,’ stated mom, ‘you will have fever!’ – however I simply wouldn’t. – I took quinine however saved on going, going ! Evenings, dances ! – Afternoons, lengthy, lengthy rides! Picnics. – pretty! – So pretty, that nation in Might. – All lacy with dogwood, actually flooded with jonquils! – That was the spring I had the craze for jonquils. Jonquils turned an absolute obsession. Mom stated, ‘Honey, there’s no extra room for jonquils.’ And nonetheless I saved on bringing in additional jonquils. Every time, wherever I noticed them, I’d say, “Cease ! Cease! I see jonquils ! I made the younger males assist me collect the jonquils ! It was a joke, Amanda and her jonquils ! Lastly there have been no extra vases to carry them, each out there house was full of jonquils. No vases to carry them? All proper, I’ll maintain them myself – After which I – [She stops in front of the picture.] met your father ! Malaria fever and jonquils after which – this – boy…. [She switches on the rose-coloured lamp.] I hope they get right here earlier than it begins to rain.”

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Unique Monologue by Joseph Arnone – Don’t Take a look at Me

“Don’t have a look at me. (factors) You. Eh, eh, eh…once I tackle you, don’t have a look at me. No eye contact. Is that understood? Look away. (beat) Okay, have a look at me now. (snaps her fingers) I instructed you not to have a look at me. Even when I inform you to have a look at me, don’t have a look at me. Understood? Good, good darling.

(she removes her gloves and arms them to her assistant)

Oh! I’ve one thing in my eye, are you able to assist me? (pointing) Wanting, wanting, wanting! NO wanting below all circumstances.

It’s essential to increase up that focus span of yours. A fish might retain extra darling. That’s true. I’ve learn it. Much less consideration span than a fish.

Don’t let that be you darling.”


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Sarah Brown from “Guys and Dolls” – The Satan


“Brothers and sisters, resist the Satan and he’ll flee from you. That’s what the Bible tells us. And that’s the reason I’m standing right here, within the Satan’s personal metropolis, on the Satan’s personal road, ready to do battle with the forces of evil. Hear me, you gamblers! Along with your cube, your playing cards, your horses! Pause and assume earlier than it’s too late! You might be in nice hazard! I’m not talking of the jail and the gallows, however of the higher punishment that awaits you! Repent earlier than it’s too late!

Simply across the nook is out little mission the place you’re all the time welcome to hunt refuge from this jungle of sin. Come right here and speak to me. Don’t consider me as Sergeant Sarah Brown, however as Sarah Brown, your sister. Be part of me, Brothers and Sisters, in resisting the Satan, and we are able to put him to flight perpetually.”


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Eliza Dolittle from “My Truthful Girl” – My Aunt Died of Influenza


“My aunt died of influenza, so that they stated. However it’s my perception they finished the outdated lady in. Sure Lord love you! Why ought to she die of influenza when she come via diphtheria proper sufficient the yr earlier than? Pretty blue with it she was. All of them thought she was lifeless. However my father, he saved ladling gin down her throat. Then she come to so sudden that she bit the bowl off the spoon. Now, what would you name a girl with that energy in her must die of influenza, and what grow to be of her new straw hat that ought to have come to me? Anyone pinched it, and what I say is, them that pinched it, finished her in. Them she lived with would have killed her for a hatpin, not to mention a hat. And as for father ladling the gin down her throat, it wouldn’t have killed her. Not her. Gin was as mom’s milk to her. In addition to, he’s poured a lot down his personal throat that he knew the great of it.”


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Gwendolyn Fairfax from “The Significance of Being Earnest” – It’s Unusual


“Oh! It’s unusual he by no means talked about to me that he had a ward. How secretive of him! He grows extra attention-grabbing hourly. I’m not certain, nevertheless, that the information conjures up me with emotions of unmixed delight. [Rising and going to her.] I’m very keen on you, Cecily; I’ve appreciated you ever since I met you! However I’m sure to state that now that I do know that you’re Mr. Worthing’s ward, I can’t assist expressing a want you had been—effectively, just a bit older than you appear to be—and never fairly so very alluring in look. Actually, if I could converse candidly— […] Effectively, to talk with good candour, Cecily, I want that you just had been totally forty-two, and greater than normally plain on your age. Ernest has a robust upright nature. He’s the very soul of reality and honour. Disloyalty could be as inconceivable to him as deception. However even males of the noblest doable ethical character are extraordinarily prone to the affect of the bodily charms of others. Trendy, at least Historic Historical past, provides us with many most painful examples of what I check with. If it weren’t so, certainly, Historical past could be fairly unreadable.”


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Choosing the Greatest Monologue for You

Attempt to go together with a monologue that matches your persona, to an extent. Sure, you’re alleged to be performing, however to nail your audition, select one thing you possibly can actually determine with. Any of those monologues will slay within the audition room, irrespective of which you select. Good luck!

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