MOSCOW—Surveying his accomplishments prior to now month with evident satisfaction, Vladimir Putin reportedly grew happy Thursday as his plot to smash the Russian financial system and destroy its worldwide standing went precisely to plan. “It’s unbelievable that in a number of brief weeks, my purpose to tank the ruble and humiliate the Russian army on the worldwide stage has gone off and not using a hitch,” mentioned the Russian president, including that when he laid out his plan to his inside circle months in the past, few had believed that he might make such swift progress on stalling his military exterior of Kyiv in opposition to a army that was an embarrassing order of magnitude smaller than his personal. “The cherry on high is that by isolating myself from each nation in Europe and driving the world collectively in condemnation of me, I’ve primarily made us right into a vassal state of China’s. So we’re mainly fucked from an financial and geopolitical perspective, which is simply what I hoped to get out of this warfare. Now if I can only a get a number of extra thousand of my very own troops killed, I’ll have all the things I might ever need.” At press time, Putin had reportedly begun devising plans to invade Estonia with the categorical intention of spreading his forces ever thinner throughout japanese Europe in an unwinnable quagmire.
